Seriously though. You should Practice.
Simply place the MIDI Quantizer before your Drum Rack, set the Quantize To knob and you good to go. You can also use it to play quantized melodies and chord progressions.
There is an extra Velocity rack to switch between Velocity randomization and full velocity (accent).
Quantize To – Set the note division for quantization
Note Length – Controls the note length to output to the instrument
Vel Rand/Full – Turn up to add more velocity randomization. Turn all the way up to enable full velocity (accent). Effect disabled if Macro is all the way down.
1. Double click on the downloaded file to open it up in Ableton Live
2. Click on the Save button at the top right corner of the device to save to your User Library
**You need Ableton Live 9.6.1 or above for this rack to work